kayip | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Behrooz is sleeping. He knows he probably shouldn't be staying here so long, but as he can't seem to get much sleep on the outside, he'd like to try to get as much as he can here.

He turns over in bed, not bothered by any strange sounds here. The plastic bag containing two silver rings was left on the nightstand.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And he murmurs, "No one - the door just - that's what was there. I don't know where it was, but it wasn't -"

He calls it something he almost never does, "- home."

She pulls her hands down and looks away, taking a heavy breath. "This place..." she mutters, then looks sharply back at him. "Why don't you just leave? What's here for you? You say you are lonely, and yet you remain in this place with--with them and walking into places you don't know..."

Dina leans forward, grabbing Behrooz's hand. "Leave this place. As soon as possible."

His eyes go down to the floor, now.

(everyone you loved - )

"I don't know. But it has to be better than this place."

"You don't know," he says. He gets up now, stands, folds his arms almost defensively. "You don't know what it's like now."

"Why don't you tell me?"

His eyes come up. He has to look at her while he can.

"You left, Mom. Here people can say my name. I can't even get that out there. I'm not - I can't just leave."

She sighs, and sits back in her chair. If she could think of something to say she would say it, but the situational bind her son has described has lefter her at a loss for words. Because there's nothing she can do to help.

At her silence, he feels even more alone.

And though he knows it's a stupid question, pointless, childish,

"Because...because I couldn't stand being here with all of these...these people and everything they stood for..."

What he says is, "I'm still here."

What he means is something like, I wasn't worth that to you. And maybe it isn't fair. Maybe she died because of him

Maybe it's still true.

She looks to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

His shoulders slump, the defense posture disappears.

"Me too."

"You don't..." She shifts in her seat, and pushes herself forward, as if she's about to stand up.

"I should go..."

He doesn't tell her to stop, but he does reach out to her. He's too old for it, maybe, still reaching like she's really out of his grasp.

But he knows that it's about to be true. She can't stay.

She stops just far enough so that her hand is in reach.

He takes it, holds on, there's the artificial light streaming in, like in the holding cell.

"I'll go to bed now, Mom," he murmurs, eyes on her hand.

She squeezes his hand in return, a small, weak smile creeping across her face.

"All right."

She doesn't move.

Behrooz looks up, and walks toward the bed, not once taking his eyes off of her. Each step is slow, though it disappears too quickly, and he takes his time climbing back in, laying down again.

He doesn't close his eyes, not yet.

Dina moves with him, slowly, and watches as he lays down. When his head is against the pillow, she leans forward to kiss him on the forehead.

Finally, he closes his eyes.

He hopes to be asleep before she knowing she's gone, before feeling anything other than the kiss on his forehead.

And maybe he is asleep when, a few, long moments later, she slips away from his room.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only